


Schwanz

by MissIzzy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Background Poly, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Tail Sex, Tail pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29759337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIzzy/pseuds/MissIzzy
Summary: What happens when Jester learns something about dirty Zemnian slang.
Relationships: (Background Fjord/Jester Lavorre), Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Schwanz

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The unfortunate use of words to describe porn-related male body parts in German language](https://archiveofourown.org/works/374103) by [SarcasmIsMyMiddleName (Amancham)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amancham/pseuds/SarcasmIsMyMiddleName). 



> This is to be blamed on both SarcasmIsMyMiddleName's meta and annapods [recording of it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354204), as it was listening to the latter that made me aware of this issue with dirty German slang.

After a few years, the routine was well established. Jester always messaged Caleb when they were docked. If it was a time when he expected to spend the following hours teaching, she, Fjord, Beau, and Yasha would come home together and settle themselves in before the other three went out for a meal or other business, often joined by Veth, or Caduceus if he happened to be visiting. If it wasn't, they just went directly out, and she came home alone. Either way, it meant a few hours she could reserve for the second of her two husbands after being away from him, often for months.

This time, they docked very early in the morning. Caleb found himself staying in bed when he got the message, but he slid himself out of his sleepwear, which would definitely please her. _Come wake me up properly_ was as much of a response as he needed to send her.

He was just drifting off again when he heard the clattering, and her cheery voice. Jester was never quiet when she came home. For however long she stayed this time, their home would be filled with laughter and pranks and spells meant to make everyone smile. Outside of his lessons, which she was fairly good about respecting, his schedule would become impossible to predict. And that was if she didn't start lassoing his students into her mischief again, instead of just leaving them to make wry remarks about how Master Lavorre tended to toss everything aside when his wife was in town.

(Though there were still those voyages where things had gotten rough, and Jester instead came home to crash. The students didn't see much of her then; she still didn't like anyone outside the Nein seeing it when she dropped the cheer. But Caleb knew nothing much more exciting had happened this time besides their seeing Marquet, and also Eadwulf and his new spouse.)

She actually fell silent for the last minute or so before she burst in, probably tiptoeing down the corridor just in case he'd slept through the rest of it. As if Caleb could ever sleep through her.

Still, he tried to give a good impression of it even as the door sprang open and she called out, "Morning, sleepyhead!" At his playful groan, she strode across the room, kissed him hello, then seemed to take a moment to consider her options. A nice moment where he could take her in, the most beautiful sight he'd seen since she'd last been here. "I suppose I should tell you a little bit about the voyage, right?"

"I would like to know about Sorn, of course," said Caleb, looking up at her, trying to keep even his bare shoulders covered by the bedclothes. "You said they were a great person and that you all had fun together. Beau wrote in her letter that they were a relatively simple person, though not unintelligent."

"Maybe a little plain," said Jester. "But nice plain. They'd lived in Shamal all their life, and they sure knew the place, gave us a real good tour. Adorably in love with Eadwulf, too; that was really sweet. Ah," and suddenly she had the most wicked grin on her face. "But there is one very important thing there I found out from them. You remember we had a day where we all went out to the beach?"

"Yes, you and Beau both mentioned that."

"Well, she, me, and Yasha decided that evening to take Sorn out drinking. Wanted to shake them down a little, maybe, but as I said, they're really in love and they're really making Eadwulf happy. They also told us some historical events that took place on the beach, including this really romantic story from a couple decades back or so...but that's not the important part. No, the important part is that Sorn is also learning a lot from Eadwulf, including dirty Zemnian."

"Ah." Caleb recognized *that* tone of voice very well. And that was before the tip of her tail curled itself directly into his view, which gave him an idea of what she might be getting at. "Exactly how much did they tell you?"

"Quite a few slang words for body parts, and the literal meaning for some of them as well. So, Caaayyyleb, when were you going to tell me that the most common slang term for dick in Zemnian literally translates to 'tail'?"

Caleb was now blushing very hard, especially as he had to admit, "Honestly, for much of my life, I wished it didn't. It did not seem very sexy." Indeed, most of the time, his first reaction to the word "tail" was still to think of Frumpkin, and similar.

Except right now, he was instead looking at Jester, perching herself over him on the bed, her tail moving to help her keep her balance, and, well, a tail under these circumstances suddenly became a very sexy thing indeed. He even kind of wished it was currently in easy range of his mouth.

"Which has made me think of something I've wanted to do for a while anyway," Jester continued. "But you know Fjord doesn't like taking it up the butt, soooo..." And she reached hands and tail both over to pull back the blankets. "Would you like _mein Schwanz_?" Her grin got bigger when she saw he was naked already. "Oh, I think you would, wouldn't you? Are you all ready down there already?"

"Not quite. Just give me a moment. You want me to just do a quick clean, or..." This wasn't entirely surprising. It was hardly the first time Jester had pegged him almost as soon as she got home. She loved doing it, and as she'd said, Fjord really didn't care for that. This was a new way of doing it, but Caleb actually couldn't say the possibility hadn't crossed his mind more than once over the years.

Jester considered it, her gaze visibly flicking over her husband's bare body. "Get yourself completely ready. I've been waiting for this for weeks."

It was a handy combination of cantrips he'd learned and combined, which got his ass cleaned, loosened up, and lubricated. "You want me to ready your, um, tail too?"

"Yes, but not with magic," she said, and leaned over to the table by the bed to grab some oil. Again her tail moved for balance, except this time the spade landed right in front of his mouth, and he couldn't resist just inching forward and laving it with his tongue.

Jester let out something between a moan and a squeal, then slipped forward, and for a moment he feared she was going to fall off the bed, but then she steadied herself with one hand. The other was holding the bottle, but she giggled, "Well, you can start that way, I guess."

He waited until she had shifted further onto the bed, before he drew her tail into his mouth, ravishing the sensative spade before sliding his lips upward as he sucked. This he'd done plenty of, enough to know just how to get Jester moaning and hastily pulling at her blouse. In his mouth she was warming up quickly, and when he ran his hands over more of her tail, he could feel it quivering just a little.

Eventually, though she pushed him away, with I, "Let me get my dress off." Caleb minded this much less, though, when he saw she had already dropped the top of it and untied her breast band, and he pulled himself up to take advantage. "You're getting distracted from our purpose here," Jester murmured as he got his mouth one of her breasts, but one of her hands on the back of his head encouraged him, as she added, "You missed these, I suppose."

"I missed everything about you," he drew off just long enough to say, and she made a very happy noise and even let him press her down on the bed as she kicked her dress and drawers off. "These," he told her when he was done, "and this," he kissed the skin right above her heart, "and everything from here," he moved up, kissing her lips en route, and flicked his tongue over the tip of one of her horns, "to here," and she actually brought the tip of her tail to his mouth again so he could give the spade another kiss.

"I missed you, too," she said. "I miss a lot of things when I'm at sea, but you way more than any of them. If you really can't leave your students right now, I think I might stay here a while this time, at least a few months. I didn't stay nearly long enough last time, and we were away for so long."

"I'm happy to hear that, Jester," and he was, deeply happy. Over the years, Caleb had slowly gained some belief that he wasn't a bad thing for Jester, that he could make her life happier by being in it, but he would never not be grateful for every day they had together, and the idea of more of them would always bowl him over a little bit. "And in half a year, I probably could come with you for at least one voyage." That would probably mean renegotiating with Fjord when each of them got her company, but they could work that out.

"Good," she smirked, moving to kiss his mouth again. "Now c'mon." She pulled herself up, and Caleb lay himself down on his stomach, and pushed his ass just slightly into the air. "Perfect," she sighed, and grabbed the oil from where she'd dropped it on the bed. She handed it to him and he pressed a few more kisses to her tail before he set to work lubing it up, another moan escaping her as he rubbed more vigorously. It also gave him a chance to look the rest of her body over, see where she was flushed and just how turned on she currently was.

There was a moment, when she first pulled his cheeks apart and first poked the tip of her tail into his hole, that the whole thing felt kind of ridiculous. But then it started to push in, and Caleb felt himself being opened up, more slowly and gently than his wife's strap-on usually did, and she could fill him so well this way. She knew his body, knew where to push and nudge, knew how much he could take, and soon enough he was wonderfully full and gasping as her tail rubbed itself against his prostrate, and as he felt his body clench he heard Jester say, "Oh, that feels nice..."

She held the tail in place as she climbed on top of him and pressed him down with her hands, which got an outright moan out of him. There was about half a minute where her tail fidgeted and awkwardly jerked inside him as she tried to figure out exactly how to move it, but then she started to work out a rhythm, one that got more moans as he moved back against her a little, letting his legs flail as his hands gripped the sheets, everything to let her know just how much he was enjoying himself. He could hear her breath quickening as well.

Excepting the couple of times Fjord had fucked him, it had been many years since he'd had anything besides fingers or Jester's toys. But this felt like more than even that. Caleb could feel her tail wiggling as she pulled partly out, knew its bumps and feel as she then pressed back in, and the intimacy of it, the familiarity of something he knew so well, taken into his own body, was of a kind that nothing before had ever quite matched.

Jester was making little noises there that made Caleb aware, maybe more than she was at that moment, that she was going to need some relief, and soon. He, too, couldn't take much more of this, his dick hurting with how hard it was. For a moment he had to struggle against Jester's iron grip to move his arm down, but then she let up, and his hand got down to where he needed it. From there it only took moments before he was coming hard.

He let out one last groan as Jester pulled her tail out, and rolled himself over to take her in. His wife was a mess, covered in sweat almost everywhere and a huge smile on her face. "Do you want to do that again sometime? I hope you want to do it again sometime, because I want to."

"Oh, yes," he told her, and pulled her down for a very zesty kiss. "But first things first," and he urged her forward even as she went eagerly, knowing what was coming and more than ready for it. The first taste of Jester when she came home was always the sweetest.


End file.
